I couldn't wait for Joey to arrive at my school. It would be three days into the week before I would actually see him. Shilohview Elementary was a modern looking school built in the 1970's that looked like it should have leggo cars out front. It was a big one story structure built entirely out of primarily colored metals. Red, Yellow, Blue and green. In the back would be a playground, and beyond that a huge grassy knoll that kids would play tag on. Inside the rooms were seperated by partitions and walls were acordionlike curtians to be pushed open or closed. Each side of the hall had only a large doorway and no doors. It was the free flowing 70's.
It would be late Wednesday morning when I would finally catch a glimpse of Joey walking down the hall while I was in math class. He's get a hall pass to go to the bathroom and then spend the whole time looking into each doorway till he found me. I'd look up from my addition problem to see his freckled face peering sideways into my room before quickly disappearing. My heart raced, and I couldn't wait to be near him again.
The lunch bell rang, and I lined up the way I always did to march to the lunch room. I looked over all the red heads in the sea of kids eating, laughing and talking and no Joey. There were two lunch periods at school, and I guess he had the other one. The only other time all the kids got together was for recess. I would surely run into him there. When the bell rang after social studies and all the kids ran out the side door to play I walked out to the blacktop and began scanning the crowd. Before I knew it my classmate Regan had me by the arm and was dragging me toward the grassy knoll. "We're playing smear the queer today, you have to run with us." I followed Regan still looking all around for Joey playing, or shimmying across the monkey bars. Before I knew it I was on the grass surrounded by other kids who were breaking up into teams of boys and girls. To this day I couldn't really tell you the rules or object of smear the queer, or why it was called that. There was alot of running around, and tagging people. Sort of like a game of tag but with no main person. I guess you just couldn't let the opposite team (which happened to be boys today) touch you before you got to base, which was usually a jumprope laid across the side of the knoll. While we were seperating, I looked up to see Joey staring at me intently with both hands jammed in his pockets. He was easily a head taller than most of the other boys his age, and twice as big. He looked without speaking, and smiled till he hit dimple.
Jermaine a spindly dark skinned boy with a short tight afro counted down. "1, 2, 3 GO!" Next thing you know girls are scattering, and the boys are running after them. I was known for never being caught durring this particular game, and I didn't want my reputation ruined so I took off like a shot, with the jumprope in my sights. I remember thinking how much I wanted to impress Joey with my speed, and dodge as many boys as possible on my way to the top. I dodged, and jumped, a faked left and right always headding up the knoll. With the jumprope closer and closer I hear kids cheering behind me and have no idea why. I hear Regan scream 'Run Lyn!' So I run harder passing over the jumprope and onto the top of the knoll. I look out of corner of my eye to see Joey so close to me it scared me and I screamed and kept running. There was a quiet and then only the sound of long grass rustling in the wind. I had never been this high up on the knoll before. The teachers always told us not to go this high because they couldn't see us anymore. All at once I feel a hot arm around my waist and my whole body is hooked and falling into the grass. Joey is rolling on my and laughing. 'You are fast, and now I have you.' His sweatty face on mine and his tounge back where it belongs, this time his body is warm and his heart is beating against my chest. My head is swirling like the world is being flung into space in slow motion. The next thing I know kids are screaming 'OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhh!' Some in awe and some are turning and running in digust. Some of the boys are trying to tease Joey for kissing me. Joey jumps up smiling ear to ear. 'It's ok, she's my girlfriend.' The kids stop frozen, the girls giggle, the whistle blows. A teacher is waving for us to come back down off the hill. Regan is grinning at me, like I just told her the best secret ever. She grabs me by my arm and pulls me to her as wel walk down the knoll. 'You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend!' she giggles. 'I just found out myself!' we laugh all the way back to class.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
3.) The Transfer
As you could probably guess, I spent alot of time thinking about Joey. I couldn't wait till my mom would announce that we were going over to their house for dinner. I would even get excited when his mom would call my mom, thinking she would ask us over. Sometimes they would just talk on the phone without an invitation being extended. Finally after two weeks passed it happened. Mom came to my room to tell me to get ready to go to Shelly's. My heart raced like crazy as I scrambled to find my tennis shoes and windbreaker to go over. I tried my best to conceal my crush, and thought I had until my mom started talking about Joey in the car on the way over. "You and Joey are getting along pretty well aren't you?" she said as she drove. I thought I was busted. "Yeah I guess so?" I said looking out the window. "Well you guys disappear and I never see you, I thought that was because you are having so much fun." What does she mean by fun?! I didn't say anything. Soon we were pulling up in their parking lot an d knocking on their screen door. Shelly appeared and let us in. Dinner was on the table and Joey was already at the table waiting. We sat down and had spaghetti and meatballs, salad and garlic bread, and as usual were shooed off to play. Joey and I ran upstairs to his room, where he closed the door behind us. "I have to tell you something." he started. I didn't know what he would say next. "We're moving." My heart dropped. "What?" He walked over and sat on the bunk bed then motioned for me to sit next to him. "It's not what you think." he said clutching my hand. "My mom doesn't want to live here anymore because of the boat people. My parents broke up because my dad came back from the war all messed up. The boat people just remind her of that. She wants to move someplace that doesn't have any, or so many." he said locking our fingers together. The full story was that Tony had showed up one night to rant and scream to see his kids for the 100th time and the neighbors were sick of it. Because Shelly was well liked on the quad no one was that quick to call the police when Tony showed up. But this one night Tony was banging on the door as usual and their new neighbor Mrs. Kim came out too see what the noise was about at 3am. Mrs. Kim was from Laos and a sweet woman who often fed Joey dinner when Shelly was running late from work. "What is the matter here!" Mrs. Kim loudly whispered around her screen door to the already aggrivated man. Tony in his drunken stupor saw her and could only see that she was Laosian. Unfortunately Tony had a pistol with him in his coat that night and brandished it in front of Mrs. Kim. That was the last straw. Mrs. Kim couldn't risk being shot or live with herself if something happened to Shelly and Joey. The police were called and Tony was hauled away. Much to Mrs. Kim's dismay Shelly was served an eviction notice because of the incident, saying that 'Her personal life was creating an unsafe environment for all the residents.' She and Joey had to move.
I was still waiting for the bomb to drop on me, and he could see that. " So we're moving closer to you guys, and I will be going to your school too." A tsunami of joy came over me. "Really!" I sqealed. "Yeah, really." he said cooly. " I have to tell you something else too." he went on. The fear came back. "What." I braced. "I'm not going to kiss you anymore when you make me mad." he told me. I felt like the floor had fallen from beneath me. I looked over at him trying not to look disappointed. "I'm going to kiss you because I like you." he smiled. "Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked. I was embarassed yet excited and maybe a little worried that if someone knew trouble would be not far behind. "You like me too right?" He asked squeezing my hand tighter. "Yeah." I said shyly. "Good." he said as he leaned over to kiss me again. This time without force, or bindings. Just a soft sweet kiss on the lips. Racecars didn't seem like they had much appeal now that we had this new thing between us. "Hold on." he told me jumping up from the bed, to walk across the room and turn the TV on. "Let's watch TV." he said motioning to the floor. We sat on a couple of bean bags in front of the TV and watched What's Happening, and held hands. I wanted something exciting to happen. I wanted his whole body on me again. I wanted to feel his breath on my neck like before, but I just waited. We laughed at the show, and he went downstairs to get us some twinkies and juice. All I could think about was us rolling on the floor kissing. I thought about all the movies I had seen on TV with grown ups rolling around kissing, on beaches, in bed, on sofas and wanted to be like that with Joey. I was too shy to tell him. I just waited. We watched Chico and The Man and my mom stuck her head in the door to check on us. We were just sitting eating junk and watching TV. I was glad we weren't rolling around at that moment, and worried about kissing Joey since mom could pop up unannounced.
Before I knew it, it was time to go home. Joey walked me downstairs to see me off. There was no hug or kiss, he just said see you later as his mom opened the door for us, and waved from the stairs. I think this was my first experience with frustration, as I had no idea how to get what I wanted from him.
I was still waiting for the bomb to drop on me, and he could see that. " So we're moving closer to you guys, and I will be going to your school too." A tsunami of joy came over me. "Really!" I sqealed. "Yeah, really." he said cooly. " I have to tell you something else too." he went on. The fear came back. "What." I braced. "I'm not going to kiss you anymore when you make me mad." he told me. I felt like the floor had fallen from beneath me. I looked over at him trying not to look disappointed. "I'm going to kiss you because I like you." he smiled. "Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked. I was embarassed yet excited and maybe a little worried that if someone knew trouble would be not far behind. "You like me too right?" He asked squeezing my hand tighter. "Yeah." I said shyly. "Good." he said as he leaned over to kiss me again. This time without force, or bindings. Just a soft sweet kiss on the lips. Racecars didn't seem like they had much appeal now that we had this new thing between us. "Hold on." he told me jumping up from the bed, to walk across the room and turn the TV on. "Let's watch TV." he said motioning to the floor. We sat on a couple of bean bags in front of the TV and watched What's Happening, and held hands. I wanted something exciting to happen. I wanted his whole body on me again. I wanted to feel his breath on my neck like before, but I just waited. We laughed at the show, and he went downstairs to get us some twinkies and juice. All I could think about was us rolling on the floor kissing. I thought about all the movies I had seen on TV with grown ups rolling around kissing, on beaches, in bed, on sofas and wanted to be like that with Joey. I was too shy to tell him. I just waited. We watched Chico and The Man and my mom stuck her head in the door to check on us. We were just sitting eating junk and watching TV. I was glad we weren't rolling around at that moment, and worried about kissing Joey since mom could pop up unannounced.
Before I knew it, it was time to go home. Joey walked me downstairs to see me off. There was no hug or kiss, he just said see you later as his mom opened the door for us, and waved from the stairs. I think this was my first experience with frustration, as I had no idea how to get what I wanted from him.
2.) Trotting
As much as I loved living with my grandparents, and considered that home; the stark truth was that it wasn't home. My mother floundered alot when we returned to Ohio. She worked in offices, and at a record store sometimes. But there was no way that we could live anywhere near my grandparents on what she was able to make. So we ended up moving way across town to Trotwood. Where my grandparents lived was in west Dayton, and I literally have no memory of anyone that wasn't black in that community. All of the shop keepers, teachers, police, firemen, city councilmen, anyone I came in contact with was black. However, Trotwood was a different story. Trotwood was a mixed community with struggling single mothers, and poor whites packed into these new 'apartment communities' that were cropping up. They weren't like high rise projects in big cities. These were sprawling buildings, with amenities and playgrounds, surrounded by woods on one side and a brand new shopping mall on the other. Back in the mid 70's malls were a new attraction, and everyone wanted to go to one. Living near one was the place to be, and what they used as a selling point for the apartments. All of the complexes where we lived had some woodsy sounding name; Cedar Hills, Salem Woods, Wood Creek, Timber Falls. The idea had been that homes had started being built out in that area, but the buying of them had slowed down, but there was plenty of land left. No one would predict the social changes that would have more and more people getting divorced and doing their own thing, and people leaving college and not wanting to get married and settle down right away. You had these people called 'young professionals' cropping up that just didn't want to be homeowners, so they needed nice places to live, that were affordable. Deals were negotiated for the remaining lots to build the complexes. So you had apartment living next to home owning. You had young professionals and single mothers dwelling in the same places. It could get complicated later.
About the same time the Vietnam war was winding down, and refugees were landing in the us. Believe it or not many of them found their way to Trotwood. Some complexes had many Laosian families in them who were struggling to assimilate and learn the language. I remember seeing them and being curious about them. I wondered what they thought of us. I had never seen an Asian person anywhere but on TV. I guess that's how alot of people felt about blacks too. I would go home and tell my friends that I had seen 'boat people.' They were full of questions. One kid asked me "Hey do they know Kung Fu?" Man, I don't know!
My mother had a friend from work who lived a few complexes down the road named Shelly. Their complex Whispering Woods seemed to be very popular for the refugees, as there were none in our complex. Shelly was a stylish white lady divorcee with two kids of her own. A daughter , Jenny who was in high school; and never at home, and a son Joey that was my age. They bonded over the obvious, being single divorced moms trying to survive and still have a little fun too. Mom would take me to their house for dinner sometimes, and after, she and Shelly would play cards and send Joey and I off to play. Joey was a solidly built freckleface red headded kid that didn't walk and talk like a kid. Joey was now the man of the house since his father moved out. His father told Joey to be strong, and he took it quite literally. That he had to lift the barbells his father left behind and act like a man. His father Tony, had gotten home from Vietnam an emotional powder keg. One moment he would be his regular self, the next he would get all quiet and dark then leave the house to drink himself blind, not being heard of for days. Shelly had had enough of Tony's moodiness, and not being able to hold a job anymore and kicked him out. Tony would often show up at the house drunk, demanding to see his kids. He'd throw half empty beer bottles at the windows and door till someone came down. Shelly would be hysterical, and Jenny never came home anymore so it left Joey to neutralize the situation before the cops got called. Sometimes he'd have to coax his father back into his truck to drive away before he got hauled off to jail. Joey sometimes in his pajamas and sneakers holding on to the steering wheel helping his father get back to the rooming house where he lived. Joey would call Shelly to come and get him in the morning with his school clothes and books, and a sandwich for breakfast. Jenny was 9 years older than Joey and in high school, and a looker like her mother. Jenny had been Joey's best friend since he was a baby, and he loved being with her. Jenny never treated Joey like a bother, and always let him tag along with her when she was watching him. When her mother wasn't home and she has to watch Joey, she'd have boys over and make out with them on the sofa when she'd think Joey was playing in his room. Joey would sneak downstairs and watch them go at it. He thought it was better than watching TV. When Jenny didn't have a date she and Joey would watch movies on TV and eat jiffy pop. Jenny loved Steve McQueen movies. She couldn't stop gushing once the movie was over about how handsome and strong he was. Joey had to be like Steve McQueen too.
The day after Shelly put Tony out, Jenny and Shelly had a big fight. "How can you do that to dad! Don't you love him!" the hysterical daughter screamed. Shelly composed her emotions to be strong for her kids. "Yes I love your father, but I can't watch him die. I won't do it Jenny." she said cooly. Jenny packed her stuff while Joey was sleeping one night and moved in with her no good 24 year old fry cook boyfriend Jett. A drunk that rode a motorcycle, and had a thing for Jenny that she couldn't seem to get away from. She moved in with him to get away from the chaos at home, but Jett was a carbon copy of Tony without the schrapnel. She wouldn't see it till many years later. Jenny's absence affected Joey profoundly. He thought if he was just strong and handsome enough she would come back. So he made it a point to lift dads hand weights everyday and go running. He had a large physique for a child, he could and often was misconstrued to be a bully because of his stature; but that was hardly the case. Some older kids in the complex tried to clown Joey about his red hair one day when he was riding his bike a day after one of his father's classic late night episodes. Joey snapped and rode after the kids, and caught one that was Jenny's age knocking him to the ground with his bike, then pummelling him in the face till it was bloody. Since then Joey was seen as a problem child, and a menace; though that was an isolated incodent. Seeing Joey for the first time, you saw all this swirling around his freckled face, and forced smile. "Hey." is all he said the first time we met, then looked around the room. "Go entertain yourselves kids." Shelly suggested making a scooting motion with her hand while lighting her cigarette. We obeyed and went upstairs to play.
Joey decided he wanted to be a boxer when he got older so he would have to start his training now. He drafted me to be his coach. I didn' t know a thing about coaching than what I saw in the movies. Joey wanted to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants and go running and wanted me to run with him. I would pretend to run with him, then duck behind a tree. A few minutes later he'd come running back mad that I wasn't behind him. "I don't want to be a boxer, YOU do! I don't want to be out here running around!" I yelled. He laughed at me, and agreed. I mean we were only 7, how much training do you need? After that we didn't do boxing stuff anymore. We just played with his racecars in his room and colored. Joey had taken to slugging me in the arms when he got frustrated or when he felt like it, and it hurt alot. I almost cried once he hit me so hard. I never told on him, because I could only imagine what he would do to me if he got in trouble with his mother.
One day when I went over with my mom and we were banished to playland Joey informed me that he wouldn't hit me anymore. I was relieved! " Instead if hitting you when you make me mad I'm going to kiss you instead." I was confused. I thought kissing was something you did when you weren't mad at someone. I didn' t know what to make of the whole idea. I just had to do my best to stay on his good side, which was nearly impossible. But as you would expect the inevitable happened. I made him mad about something. Now, in my mind when he told me he would kiss me, I thought he would peck me on the cheek. This is not at all what happened. Joey had bunk beds in his room. Why, Im not sure. But he grabbed me and pushed me down onto the bottom bunk, and pinned me underneath him. Then he opened his mouth and stuck his tounge into mine and slowly moved it around in my mouth. His body was heavy to me, and hard all over. His arms were strong, and his hands were hot around my wrists that he had pinned to my sides. When he was finished he let my arms go and sat up and looked at me laying there bewildered. He smiled wide and laughed. I didn't know what to think. I had never felt anything like that before. I was excited and confused because he had done it to me when he was angry at me. Joey went back to playing with his racecars, and warned 'You better not beat me again.' I was in a conundrum. I had experienced something that was so exciting that I wanted it again, but kissing was something that I shouldn't be doing. Joey and I were only 7, but he seemed to know what he was doing in detail. How could that be? He was a kid. Joey looked different to me after that. Like a tiny man. My stomach flipped and flopped. I kept replaying what he did in my head. My body felt hot all over. I had to be cool like he was, and act like it was no big deal. But I wanted it to happen again. So I did the obvious, and tried to beat him at racing. He won two rounds, and then his car got stuck on one of the tracks and I lapped him and won. He dropped his controller and stared at me, not saying anything. I waited for him to throw a fit the way he usually did. But he didn't. He just sat there staring at me. I got a little scared for a moment, then he spoke. "That doesn't count, my car broke down. I have to fix it and we have to go again." He picked up his little green car and began tinkering under it. I waited for the verdict, and he gave the thumbs up and placed his car back at the starting line. He counted down, and then the race was back on, over the loops and figure eights, the two cars tore around the tracks. He would slow down to let me catch him, then pull away from me. He'd try to knock my car off the track when the laps wore down. The last lap was the most heated one. He lagged back to let me catch him at the beginning, and then I pulled ahead. Before I knew what happened my car was crossing the finish before his. I had won. Usually the moment I crossed he'd let out a yell. "Nooooooooooo." He'd bellow. But today not so. Joey calmly put down his controller and looked at me. He stood up and stretched. "You remember what I told you about beating me?" I set my controller down not sure what to expect. "Yeah." I said looking down. "Well now I'm mad you beat me." he grumbled pulling my arm to yank me to my feet. He grabbed both my arms at the elbow and backed me to the bunk bed again. He half tacked me and pinned me under him again. My hands were trapped under my butt this time, and his hands were on either sides of my face. He paused and looked down and me, then again, opened his mouth and inserted his tounge into mine to make slow circles that set me on fire all over. This time his body was rubbing against me, making me feel strange in ways I had never felt before. He'd stop kissing me and lick my neck, then go back to kissing. He'd bit my lips, which sent shivers down my spine. Suddenly I worried about getting in trouble for doing this. The kiss was taking a long time, it seemed we were laying on the bed for hours, but I'm sure it was a few minutes. Joey pulled his face back, and looked at me again. "You're beautiful." he said and sat up. I layed there breathing hard and not knowing what to say. I heard my mom calling my name up the stairs and snapped back to reality. I sat up and made sure my clothes were straight, and yelled back that I was coming. "See you later." I said to Joey as I opened the door wider to leave. He just laid back on his bed, tucking his hands behind his head, grinning.
About the same time the Vietnam war was winding down, and refugees were landing in the us. Believe it or not many of them found their way to Trotwood. Some complexes had many Laosian families in them who were struggling to assimilate and learn the language. I remember seeing them and being curious about them. I wondered what they thought of us. I had never seen an Asian person anywhere but on TV. I guess that's how alot of people felt about blacks too. I would go home and tell my friends that I had seen 'boat people.' They were full of questions. One kid asked me "Hey do they know Kung Fu?" Man, I don't know!
My mother had a friend from work who lived a few complexes down the road named Shelly. Their complex Whispering Woods seemed to be very popular for the refugees, as there were none in our complex. Shelly was a stylish white lady divorcee with two kids of her own. A daughter , Jenny who was in high school; and never at home, and a son Joey that was my age. They bonded over the obvious, being single divorced moms trying to survive and still have a little fun too. Mom would take me to their house for dinner sometimes, and after, she and Shelly would play cards and send Joey and I off to play. Joey was a solidly built freckleface red headded kid that didn't walk and talk like a kid. Joey was now the man of the house since his father moved out. His father told Joey to be strong, and he took it quite literally. That he had to lift the barbells his father left behind and act like a man. His father Tony, had gotten home from Vietnam an emotional powder keg. One moment he would be his regular self, the next he would get all quiet and dark then leave the house to drink himself blind, not being heard of for days. Shelly had had enough of Tony's moodiness, and not being able to hold a job anymore and kicked him out. Tony would often show up at the house drunk, demanding to see his kids. He'd throw half empty beer bottles at the windows and door till someone came down. Shelly would be hysterical, and Jenny never came home anymore so it left Joey to neutralize the situation before the cops got called. Sometimes he'd have to coax his father back into his truck to drive away before he got hauled off to jail. Joey sometimes in his pajamas and sneakers holding on to the steering wheel helping his father get back to the rooming house where he lived. Joey would call Shelly to come and get him in the morning with his school clothes and books, and a sandwich for breakfast. Jenny was 9 years older than Joey and in high school, and a looker like her mother. Jenny had been Joey's best friend since he was a baby, and he loved being with her. Jenny never treated Joey like a bother, and always let him tag along with her when she was watching him. When her mother wasn't home and she has to watch Joey, she'd have boys over and make out with them on the sofa when she'd think Joey was playing in his room. Joey would sneak downstairs and watch them go at it. He thought it was better than watching TV. When Jenny didn't have a date she and Joey would watch movies on TV and eat jiffy pop. Jenny loved Steve McQueen movies. She couldn't stop gushing once the movie was over about how handsome and strong he was. Joey had to be like Steve McQueen too.
The day after Shelly put Tony out, Jenny and Shelly had a big fight. "How can you do that to dad! Don't you love him!" the hysterical daughter screamed. Shelly composed her emotions to be strong for her kids. "Yes I love your father, but I can't watch him die. I won't do it Jenny." she said cooly. Jenny packed her stuff while Joey was sleeping one night and moved in with her no good 24 year old fry cook boyfriend Jett. A drunk that rode a motorcycle, and had a thing for Jenny that she couldn't seem to get away from. She moved in with him to get away from the chaos at home, but Jett was a carbon copy of Tony without the schrapnel. She wouldn't see it till many years later. Jenny's absence affected Joey profoundly. He thought if he was just strong and handsome enough she would come back. So he made it a point to lift dads hand weights everyday and go running. He had a large physique for a child, he could and often was misconstrued to be a bully because of his stature; but that was hardly the case. Some older kids in the complex tried to clown Joey about his red hair one day when he was riding his bike a day after one of his father's classic late night episodes. Joey snapped and rode after the kids, and caught one that was Jenny's age knocking him to the ground with his bike, then pummelling him in the face till it was bloody. Since then Joey was seen as a problem child, and a menace; though that was an isolated incodent. Seeing Joey for the first time, you saw all this swirling around his freckled face, and forced smile. "Hey." is all he said the first time we met, then looked around the room. "Go entertain yourselves kids." Shelly suggested making a scooting motion with her hand while lighting her cigarette. We obeyed and went upstairs to play.
Joey decided he wanted to be a boxer when he got older so he would have to start his training now. He drafted me to be his coach. I didn' t know a thing about coaching than what I saw in the movies. Joey wanted to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants and go running and wanted me to run with him. I would pretend to run with him, then duck behind a tree. A few minutes later he'd come running back mad that I wasn't behind him. "I don't want to be a boxer, YOU do! I don't want to be out here running around!" I yelled. He laughed at me, and agreed. I mean we were only 7, how much training do you need? After that we didn't do boxing stuff anymore. We just played with his racecars in his room and colored. Joey had taken to slugging me in the arms when he got frustrated or when he felt like it, and it hurt alot. I almost cried once he hit me so hard. I never told on him, because I could only imagine what he would do to me if he got in trouble with his mother.
One day when I went over with my mom and we were banished to playland Joey informed me that he wouldn't hit me anymore. I was relieved! " Instead if hitting you when you make me mad I'm going to kiss you instead." I was confused. I thought kissing was something you did when you weren't mad at someone. I didn' t know what to make of the whole idea. I just had to do my best to stay on his good side, which was nearly impossible. But as you would expect the inevitable happened. I made him mad about something. Now, in my mind when he told me he would kiss me, I thought he would peck me on the cheek. This is not at all what happened. Joey had bunk beds in his room. Why, Im not sure. But he grabbed me and pushed me down onto the bottom bunk, and pinned me underneath him. Then he opened his mouth and stuck his tounge into mine and slowly moved it around in my mouth. His body was heavy to me, and hard all over. His arms were strong, and his hands were hot around my wrists that he had pinned to my sides. When he was finished he let my arms go and sat up and looked at me laying there bewildered. He smiled wide and laughed. I didn't know what to think. I had never felt anything like that before. I was excited and confused because he had done it to me when he was angry at me. Joey went back to playing with his racecars, and warned 'You better not beat me again.' I was in a conundrum. I had experienced something that was so exciting that I wanted it again, but kissing was something that I shouldn't be doing. Joey and I were only 7, but he seemed to know what he was doing in detail. How could that be? He was a kid. Joey looked different to me after that. Like a tiny man. My stomach flipped and flopped. I kept replaying what he did in my head. My body felt hot all over. I had to be cool like he was, and act like it was no big deal. But I wanted it to happen again. So I did the obvious, and tried to beat him at racing. He won two rounds, and then his car got stuck on one of the tracks and I lapped him and won. He dropped his controller and stared at me, not saying anything. I waited for him to throw a fit the way he usually did. But he didn't. He just sat there staring at me. I got a little scared for a moment, then he spoke. "That doesn't count, my car broke down. I have to fix it and we have to go again." He picked up his little green car and began tinkering under it. I waited for the verdict, and he gave the thumbs up and placed his car back at the starting line. He counted down, and then the race was back on, over the loops and figure eights, the two cars tore around the tracks. He would slow down to let me catch him, then pull away from me. He'd try to knock my car off the track when the laps wore down. The last lap was the most heated one. He lagged back to let me catch him at the beginning, and then I pulled ahead. Before I knew what happened my car was crossing the finish before his. I had won. Usually the moment I crossed he'd let out a yell. "Nooooooooooo." He'd bellow. But today not so. Joey calmly put down his controller and looked at me. He stood up and stretched. "You remember what I told you about beating me?" I set my controller down not sure what to expect. "Yeah." I said looking down. "Well now I'm mad you beat me." he grumbled pulling my arm to yank me to my feet. He grabbed both my arms at the elbow and backed me to the bunk bed again. He half tacked me and pinned me under him again. My hands were trapped under my butt this time, and his hands were on either sides of my face. He paused and looked down and me, then again, opened his mouth and inserted his tounge into mine to make slow circles that set me on fire all over. This time his body was rubbing against me, making me feel strange in ways I had never felt before. He'd stop kissing me and lick my neck, then go back to kissing. He'd bit my lips, which sent shivers down my spine. Suddenly I worried about getting in trouble for doing this. The kiss was taking a long time, it seemed we were laying on the bed for hours, but I'm sure it was a few minutes. Joey pulled his face back, and looked at me again. "You're beautiful." he said and sat up. I layed there breathing hard and not knowing what to say. I heard my mom calling my name up the stairs and snapped back to reality. I sat up and made sure my clothes were straight, and yelled back that I was coming. "See you later." I said to Joey as I opened the door wider to leave. He just laid back on his bed, tucking his hands behind his head, grinning.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
1.) In the beginning
I came to a point in my life where I wasn't sure what the problem was. I was in my early 40's and hadn't had an actual relationship in 15 years. I had been deep in poverty the whole time so I imagined that had alot to do with it. You just don't meet quality men at the welfare office or the food bank. The men working at the Salvation Army are usually right out of rehab, which is where I usually shopped.
When I broke up with my last boyfriend Kevin in 1995 I promised myself a few things. 1.) That I wouldn't settle in with the first guy who showed me attention and 2.) I had to find someone that I had things in common with. Who had an interest in creative things, or was creative himself, who liked music and could be a little obsessed with it. Someone who had a love of the cinema and could have long conversations about them. Someone who dreamed and worked toward them. Someone good looking and preferably of color, so I wouldn't have to deal with the does he or doesn't he of dating white men anymore.
I had been shipped out to live with my mother Carolyn (Curl to all her childhood friends) in the fall of 1983. I would start 9th grade at Everett High School that was located in the middle of downtown Everett Washington. Everett was a small city about 20 miles north of Seattle, that really didn't have much going for it. Now it has a Naval base, but back then it was paper mills. My mothers brother Sylvester had moved to Washington back in the mid 1970's. He had taken on engineering in the Navy and had gotten a fantastic job working for Boeing. Uncle Syl was sort of a hippie who loved Jimi Hendrix and walking around barefoot. He smoked dope and dated white women. One in particular whom he couldn't shake no matter what. Donna was a small white woman with stringy brown hair, blue eyes and an overbite. The legend has it that my uncle was very ill, and had no place to stay. She took him in and nursed him back to health, and she just latched onto him after that. No matter where he went or who he was with she would show up. After about 10 years of this he just gave into her. However when Syl drove across country for the fun of it again like he was known to do, and stopped in at my grandmother Anna's house that summer, he wasn't with Donna. He was with another hippy white girl Michelle. She was a little on the heavy side with long brown hair down to her waist, and squinty green eyes. She and my uncle dressed in denim bell bottoms and flowy peasant shirts. She sat on my grandmothers sofa drinking lemonaide and telling me about how great Everett High School was. "It's right downtown, so you can go shopping after school." I thought this sounded great. I didn't think of the fact that my mother would be terminally poor and not even offer me an allowance to shop with. The reality of the situation was I didn't have a choice in the matter, the adults were just trying to ease the blow of being shipped off again, and trying to make where I was going sound glamorous in some way. I had no idea what I was about to face.
Where I grew up in Ohio was an all black community. The neighborhood where my grandparents Anna and Junior lived was built from the ground up in the 1960's when my grandparents had finally started doing well. The neighborhood was called Princeton Park, and it was populated by middle class and upper middle class blacks. Every house had been designed by it's owner so none of the houses were the same. Every house had a father in it, that had a great job or owned a business. The story goes that my grandparents house had been built backward accidentally because the contractor hadn't marked the plans so he'd read them the right way. That left the bedrooms in the front of the house and the livingroom in the back. The driveway was supposed to go to the left and it actually went to the right. It was a lovely house dispite the error. Their house was like a mansion to me, though in reality it's a simple home. Every room had a television, and there was an intercom system that went through the whole house, so grandma could call everyone to dinner, or tell grandad he had a phonecall without having to search the whole house. I had my own room at their house, with a large color TV, a shelf full of all sorts of books, and a giant bed all to myself. There were banks of windows on two walls; if I sat on the ledge by my dresser I could see the screen to the local drive in at night.
Many of the kids on my grandparents street were my age, however many of them had older brothers and sisters. They all went to the same high school, Jefferson, and I used to watch them coming home from sporting events, or going off to dances all dressed up. All the boys were so handsome and the girls always dressed perfectly. I had a friend up the street Candyce who was a few years older, and drop dead gorgeous. Her older sisters were beauty queens. When I went to their house I was amazed at how perfect they all were. Her sisters Mary, and Karen were the most popular girls in town, and were always on the go to a dance, or party somewhere. Mary was a tall, leggy golden brown bombshell of a girl, who always wore her hair in a long page boy haircut. She had sparkling brown eyes, and a huge white smile like the girls on toothpaste commercials. She had won pageant titles, and Miss Car Show, and had the trophies to prove it. Karen was a light skinned girl who was of average height, with light brown hair, and green eyes. She had little freckles on her nose and always wore pale pink lipstick. She straightened her hair and pulled it back into a pony tail that flowed to the middle of her back. She rarely ever wore her hair down, she said it was a real 'pain' if the weather changed on her.
If there was a hot band that came to town, you can bet Mary and Karen had dates to go, and they would always tell us all about it the next day. If I knew a band I loved was playing one night, I would ride my bike over to their house the next afternoon, knowing they would be lounging in the back yard on their reclining lawn chairs reading magazines and drinking pop, ready to tell us all about it. I couldn't wait to grow up and do what they did. I couldn't wait to go on dates with the handsome brown princes they went out with. I hoped I would have the gorgeous outfits, and curvy physique they did, so I could have the perfect life too.
When I broke up with my last boyfriend Kevin in 1995 I promised myself a few things. 1.) That I wouldn't settle in with the first guy who showed me attention and 2.) I had to find someone that I had things in common with. Who had an interest in creative things, or was creative himself, who liked music and could be a little obsessed with it. Someone who had a love of the cinema and could have long conversations about them. Someone who dreamed and worked toward them. Someone good looking and preferably of color, so I wouldn't have to deal with the does he or doesn't he of dating white men anymore.
I had been shipped out to live with my mother Carolyn (Curl to all her childhood friends) in the fall of 1983. I would start 9th grade at Everett High School that was located in the middle of downtown Everett Washington. Everett was a small city about 20 miles north of Seattle, that really didn't have much going for it. Now it has a Naval base, but back then it was paper mills. My mothers brother Sylvester had moved to Washington back in the mid 1970's. He had taken on engineering in the Navy and had gotten a fantastic job working for Boeing. Uncle Syl was sort of a hippie who loved Jimi Hendrix and walking around barefoot. He smoked dope and dated white women. One in particular whom he couldn't shake no matter what. Donna was a small white woman with stringy brown hair, blue eyes and an overbite. The legend has it that my uncle was very ill, and had no place to stay. She took him in and nursed him back to health, and she just latched onto him after that. No matter where he went or who he was with she would show up. After about 10 years of this he just gave into her. However when Syl drove across country for the fun of it again like he was known to do, and stopped in at my grandmother Anna's house that summer, he wasn't with Donna. He was with another hippy white girl Michelle. She was a little on the heavy side with long brown hair down to her waist, and squinty green eyes. She and my uncle dressed in denim bell bottoms and flowy peasant shirts. She sat on my grandmothers sofa drinking lemonaide and telling me about how great Everett High School was. "It's right downtown, so you can go shopping after school." I thought this sounded great. I didn't think of the fact that my mother would be terminally poor and not even offer me an allowance to shop with. The reality of the situation was I didn't have a choice in the matter, the adults were just trying to ease the blow of being shipped off again, and trying to make where I was going sound glamorous in some way. I had no idea what I was about to face.
Where I grew up in Ohio was an all black community. The neighborhood where my grandparents Anna and Junior lived was built from the ground up in the 1960's when my grandparents had finally started doing well. The neighborhood was called Princeton Park, and it was populated by middle class and upper middle class blacks. Every house had been designed by it's owner so none of the houses were the same. Every house had a father in it, that had a great job or owned a business. The story goes that my grandparents house had been built backward accidentally because the contractor hadn't marked the plans so he'd read them the right way. That left the bedrooms in the front of the house and the livingroom in the back. The driveway was supposed to go to the left and it actually went to the right. It was a lovely house dispite the error. Their house was like a mansion to me, though in reality it's a simple home. Every room had a television, and there was an intercom system that went through the whole house, so grandma could call everyone to dinner, or tell grandad he had a phonecall without having to search the whole house. I had my own room at their house, with a large color TV, a shelf full of all sorts of books, and a giant bed all to myself. There were banks of windows on two walls; if I sat on the ledge by my dresser I could see the screen to the local drive in at night.
Many of the kids on my grandparents street were my age, however many of them had older brothers and sisters. They all went to the same high school, Jefferson, and I used to watch them coming home from sporting events, or going off to dances all dressed up. All the boys were so handsome and the girls always dressed perfectly. I had a friend up the street Candyce who was a few years older, and drop dead gorgeous. Her older sisters were beauty queens. When I went to their house I was amazed at how perfect they all were. Her sisters Mary, and Karen were the most popular girls in town, and were always on the go to a dance, or party somewhere. Mary was a tall, leggy golden brown bombshell of a girl, who always wore her hair in a long page boy haircut. She had sparkling brown eyes, and a huge white smile like the girls on toothpaste commercials. She had won pageant titles, and Miss Car Show, and had the trophies to prove it. Karen was a light skinned girl who was of average height, with light brown hair, and green eyes. She had little freckles on her nose and always wore pale pink lipstick. She straightened her hair and pulled it back into a pony tail that flowed to the middle of her back. She rarely ever wore her hair down, she said it was a real 'pain' if the weather changed on her.
If there was a hot band that came to town, you can bet Mary and Karen had dates to go, and they would always tell us all about it the next day. If I knew a band I loved was playing one night, I would ride my bike over to their house the next afternoon, knowing they would be lounging in the back yard on their reclining lawn chairs reading magazines and drinking pop, ready to tell us all about it. I couldn't wait to grow up and do what they did. I couldn't wait to go on dates with the handsome brown princes they went out with. I hoped I would have the gorgeous outfits, and curvy physique they did, so I could have the perfect life too.
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